Its about making memories worth repressing
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
