My hand turned me down
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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