It's Friday. Sex?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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