i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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