so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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