I just gift wrapped bread.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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