You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
