I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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