Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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