5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
