There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
