I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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