My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
