Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
