you guys were way drunker than both of me
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
