I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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