Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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