What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
