would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
