Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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