He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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