It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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