You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
