I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
