I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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