how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
