first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
All the doctor said was why
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
