very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
