So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
