trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
