Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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