Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
