i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I want to walk on stilts...naked
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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