i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
