Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
