my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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