I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
