So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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