So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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