the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
