she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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