i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
