I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
