Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
