I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
love makes seman taste better
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
