The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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