The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
