I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
