Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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