you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
