I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
