God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
